My daddy bought me a Ford Mustang.





I didn't say I could drive it.

It's Audrey Hepburn week on Sky. I have watched so many films my eyes hurt. I got to utter the phrase Humphrey Bogart is speaking, why are you? which resulted in a lot of things thrown at me. I have learnt that My Fair Lady is just as bad as I supposed it to be and if you happen to fall in love with someone it will be fairly easy to find them again.

Also having shorn off five inches from the hem of a dress I can only imagine was purchased just in case somebody died I am now the owner of a little black dress. I'm quite in love with it.

I have no occasion to wear such a thing though.

The fairytale was climbing up a mountain far too steep

I like reading other people's books, especially my dad's. He goes through reading periods and then never finishes any of the books he starts. There's about six or seven books next to his bed that he's reading at the moment. My mum complains, he explains that he feels like reading different things at different times which I totally relate to and she whines that he isn't the one having to lift them up to clean underneath. I say clean around then but apparently this is not the attitude of a cleaner who wants to keep her job.

Sometimes I read my dad's books and tell him what they're like. I did that with FIght Club since he read a third of the way in and then piled other books on top and forgot about it. I'm tempted just to claim it as mine but I figure if he ever reads it and likes it he will buy more Chuck Palahniuk and I will reap the rewards. I'm holding his copy of Breakfast at Tiffany's hostage until he finally gets around to reading The Motorcycle Diaries since he finally watched it, not my dvd that I lent him for a year and then took back but on tv. At the moment I'm still trying to find the time to finish On the Road. I'm in the middle of the last journey down to Mexico now and by god is it crazy. He picked it up from the pile next to my couch and thumbed through it to work where I was. Hugely excited he asks if I've read the bit about Jazz yet. I argued the whole book was about Jazz and he shook his head.

"I mean the crazy bit where they're in the Jazz club and they're all mad on amphetamines."

I was not aware there were amphetamines to be honest. Lot of marijuana and having to remember that tea is slang for marijuana and not laughing at the idea of them getting excited over actual tea. Then again I read far too fast, means I can read something several times over and I never get bored but I forget little details. Somehow this lead to a conversation with my mum about drugs that end in zepam and how they make me think of marzipan and so then whenever I'm reading about crazy or depressed people or what have you I get hungry. Hungry for cakes.

The Last Shadow Puppets that I talked about earlier are awesome, I decided this yesterday on the bus. I didn't want to like them much but dammit if they don't sound like a more polished version of the Libertines which is funny because so many bands came out trying to sound like the Libertines and I hated them. Like the View. Oh how awesome you've worn the same jeans for four days now. This is not even anything worth mentioning. It's not that long a time.

Julie woke up properly with the words:

"I am the light and the way."

Then a bee fell into my radiator. I decided to deal with this by shutting the door. All you can hear on the top landing is the frantic buzzing of a stupid insect. I am too tired to care.

I have dreams of orca whales and owls

I did not study yesterday. I tried. I opened a book and I read a chapter and I browsed and I tried but I was not made to study. Not unless there are simple facts to learn. I have only ever studied seriously for one exam and that was maths. I got a C and it was my only C of the year. Yes, I am showing off. I am aware of the seething hatred as the rest of you slave away with books but I do not care. I did shit last year and I had to do good this year or I'd be funding my own wee self through a degree. Let me tell you I don't have the kind of cash to throw away on the kind of subjects I'm taking. So I did not study. I spent from 4 o'clock to 8 o'clock reading a book online which I linked on my wordpress, I am too lazy to find the link again. It was called Starfish and I have never read the whole of something online in one sitting but I did read this. It was pretty good I have to say although there were bits that were all over the place and woo. If you are less lazy than me you can go find it. It was about all these psychotic people that get sent down to the bottom of the ocean for some reason, and addiction and stuff like that. It got in my head a little bit, I like it when stuff does that. Then I watched the Champions league final and that took me to bedtime. I may not study but I know to get a good night's sleep.

So no study and it was an afternoon exam which I hate because I can't start doing anything and I'm terrified I'll forget to go and bleh. Bad times. I stress myself out because I don't study and I worry that maybe I should have. First there were two dead pigeons lying under the bridge just as I was thinking about how my dad goes on about how he wants to shoot them sometimes. Bus stank of paint and cheap cigarettes. I knew a guy who used to smell like that everyday. He always wanted to hug me and asked me where the most exotic place I'd had sex was. I barely knew him, it was funny. There was some sort of school thing going on in the park. Biodiversity is Life proclaimed the tent thing all the kids were running around shouting what number of butterfly they'd found. It was cute. But then I forgot Gemma took this subject. Dear god there's a voice I didn't need to hear before an exam, specially not her voice with all her little friends all shrieking and bleh. I avoid people before the exam, I don't need to hear how nervous someone else is, it makes me nervous when I'm not at all. There's a lot of bowing my head to avoid eye contact. I probably seem hugely anti-social but it's not like I'm bestest friends with these people. Gemma being there made me feel alone though. I hate that. It's like I only care if there's someone there to make me feel small. Bleh.

But! The exam. I had a passing thought as we walked in about Indiana Jones since it came out today but I told myself not to be silly. That is until I flipped the paper over and scanned the questions.

Question number 4: Do you think the release of the new Indiana Jones movie will have a positive or a negative effect on archaeology? Justify your answer.

I read it three times. Then I looked round the hall to see if it was a joke. Nobody looked back at me except pretty legs whose legs were so pretty. She looked at me all suspicious. Your legs are pretty girl, I was just appreciating! There were three other questions I could answer competently but fuck it if there's a question about goddamn Indiana Jones then you best answer it or you're a fool. Although nobody else around me seemed to be answering it and my god the girl next to me wrote in perfect straight lines on blank paper so neat. My exam writing is a scrawl of crazy gibberish.

Let me tell you something. My Indiana Jones essay was a goddamn beautiful piece of journalism. My other essay on ethnoarchaeology was alright but it was all about morals and stuff. Rubbish.

On the way out a Chinese girl skipped in front of me and chased a feather and stopped just in front of me but I smiled and she laughed and I sort of wanted to hug her because life was being silly today but I didn't.

And then we won the league. Man is it great times or what.

I'm just making this up as I go along.

I have two archaeology exams, one I like to call sociology with dead things and the other is the Indy lessons with less adventure and excitement or general interest at all. Kind of like if the films were just him filling in paperwork.

Past papers for the first one are a series of questions. I must answer two tomorrow. The questions are generally a mix of the following:

Archaeology is a form of destruction. How should we preserve what we discover?

Is there a present bias when we look at the past?

Neanderthals, what's up with them?

People don't seem all that interested in heritage. How would you make it more interesting.

You've just dug up a famous figure's corpse. What now?

Darn those metal detectors! Discuss.

Do you ever stop and think academia is the most ridiculous way of accessing how intelligent a person is? I mean I'm sitting at an A in sociology with dead things for saying 'man, that church is old, we should make it into something new' and 'I don't think this website on vikings is reliable because the font is comic sans'. I got a B in the practicals for saying 'prehistory sure is old'. Oh it is insane, insane, insane.

Did you know

that there is such a thing as feminist archaeology?

You know what, I'm happy thinking that in the past "women make pots and men make ploughshares." I don't see a problem with saying that men were the hunter-gathers and women were mothers. There is no issue here. I think feminists really need to learn to pick their battles or just shut up until they work out what they're fighting for these days.