I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about Uni this year. There's the fear that slips in every so often when I think about deadlines and early starts and dealing with administration. I hate dealing with secretaries and librarians. They all made with power I tells ya. But I focus on the main thing. I got a goal this time. Something resembling a plan.
And in the end I just remind myself that it's the means to an end. All these essays and exams are just stepping stones to a life. And a life is what I long for.
There's a lot of moments where I just think why bother. I've got another 4 years, 5 if I choose to go abroad (which I just might, Galway is just so prettily Irish after all!) of learning. Sometimes it just seems too much of a drag. But then the alternatives are much worse. I can't get a job and boy have I been trying and I think I would die before I became some sort of stay-at-home mum. But anyway all of those things go away when I look at where I get to study. God, the people there may be mostly a tad stuck-up and I've met so few people that I could actually stand but when I walk down the streets and have to stop to let some squirrels pass or when I'm sitting in (the most uncomfortable) the only preserved Victorian lecture hall it doesn't matter. I sit in the little courtyard reading my Homer, listening to the church organ play behind me and helping out the gorgeous Chinese girl in finding her class and I don't mind the cold Autumn wind or the fact that I haven't spoken to a single person all day since I got out of bed.
On a side note my Classics lecturer keeps mentioning the Iliad, saying that "of course nobody will have read it" or that nobody reads classic literature unless they're studying it. It's like lets make Catherine feel like a bigger geek than she already is. I've had to explain to people why Dawn is capitalised and acts like a person when that doesn't make sense, or who the hell Persephone is and why does she keep popping up in the underworld for no reason. I kinda thought I'd turn up for Classics and meet similiarly minded ancient Greek geeks like myself. Seems I was mistaken.
My hopelessly romantic mind was checked all summer and for a good while before as well. Unfortunately, it's returned and I look for love around every corner. I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for but then I never am and usually it ends in me finding someone and settling for them. Is it so wrong to want someone to fall hopelessly in love with you and not be a total weirdo who just uses you?
To cheer myself up and because they were cheaper than usual, I bought Angel. I've never really watched them aside from the few episodes in which Buffy crossed over or a couple I watched over the summer but I'm loving the series so far. Only I wish somebody could have warned me that the attractive Irish man died so freakin' early on. I knew he was gonna die but not that soon! Thanks tons Mr Whedon/life for making everything a little bit more gloomy. I had to watch Black Books just to get my fix of Irishness.
Which reminds me The Shins are coming to Glasgow in November on the same day that I'm seeing Bill Bailey. I missed them earlier this year and now once again. So if any of The Shins are there or have some sort of psychic ability when you come back (and please do come back) please make it a day I'm available. I will totally dance my ass off and woo and yay better than anyone else.
In conclusion, I am very tired and I wish I was in love.
