Julie's playing Kingdom hearts and other than making jokes about Sora's sexuality, setting character's names to music (Roxas fits perfectly to a certain song about a street walker by Sting) and suggesting that a better storyline for the Pirates arc woulda been Calypso has a beach party and everyone's invited (stone crabs with teeny maracas anyone?) I don't have much to do. So yeah, this happened.
I wrap my arms around me wishing that I'd worn my coat but the sun tricked me again this morning and I only have my thin red hoodie for warmth. Everything would be a lot less cold if I could get a coffee somewhere but that would only be an invitation for Sarah to spend more time with me. I can not shake this girl even though I'm pretty sure she doesn't even like me that much. The small link of high school seems to be enough for her to follow me all around town like a puppy telling me tales about people I care little about. I check my watch. Still three hours to kill. I'd planned on checking out the little vintage shop down the road from the history department and see if they had any bowler hats left but that was out now too. I'm wracking my brain for some excuse to get away when I realise she's waiting for me to answer her.
"Yeah, yeah. I remember Dan. What's he doing now?" Who cares? He was a bastard in school, probably being a bastard in some shitty job now for all I care.
"He's in a band now. For real." Figures. Can't get a proper job, too thick for further education so go for fame. Sarah's babbling something about some gig they've got lined up. Like as not just some club booked them on a quiet night with a bunch of other hopeful morons. What is it about boys and guitars. They think they just pick up a guitar and be Hendrixing in no time.
"So you wanna come with then?" I shrug noncommittally. I don't care what it is, I never actually plan time with Sarah. "You gotta come. You never go out. It's not healthy to shut yourself off from the world" I sigh. She does this everytime. Big pep talk on how to socialise like she knows how I spend my days. Why can't I think of an escape plan. All I can think about it smashing my fist through her smug mouth. I've just popped out one of her teeth when a word jars me out of my imaginings. I grit my teeth as I make my response:
"No, Sarah. I do not have a boyfriend at the moment." Cue sympathy sounds and more pep talk, this time on how to get some. Kill me now.
We walk on like this for a few more minutes. I'm freezing now and the Starbucks across the road is too tempting. I step out without looking too much at the traffic only to be pulled back onto the pavement.
"Saved your life!" Sarah beams at me. A beat-up blue mini van screeches to a halt in front of us. I smile recognising the design that twirls along the side. The passenger door is flung open and there she is. My escape route.
"Come with me if you want to live." Cass tells me this completely deadpan serious, her wild mane of red hair adding to the drama. The words tumble out of my lips before I can stop them:
"My hero!" Sarah looks awkward but starts her feeble attempt at a self-introduction. I leave her spluttering by the road as I jump into Cass' van and she roars away to freedom.
"Jeez, you're shivering. I gotta flask of chocolat somewhere." Her fingers point vaguely in the back. It's stuffed full of art supplies. I gamely pick my way through, spurred on by the fact that my right hand is practically numb now. It looks like she just robbed the art store. I tell her this. She laughs, tells me the story of how it would have panned out. Her in a bright orange balaclava with paint ball guns threatening to ruin the pristine canvas they charge too much for. I give up and manage to get seated again. I shove my hands under my armpits and try not to scream at her when Cass produces the elusive flask from under her seat along with half a cheeseburger which she offers to me.
"I thought you were veggie? Y'know to go with the crazy hippie vibe you got going." Cass snorts and steals a bite from the burger in my hand.
"I remembered how tasty cows were and gave it up." I nearly choke on cheese at that.
We entertain each other with tales from our respective courses and what with the laughing and warmth of the van I don't realise where we are. It's only during the first silence that I realise we've been driving for nearly a hour.
"Where we going, Cassie?" She doesn't answer me at first. Instead she chews on her lip, distorting her pretty face.
"Cassandra? Tell me where you're taking me. I've got a class soon." She drums her fingers on the steering wheel, the big silver rings clattering off each other. She answers me in a quiet voice, barely a murmur.
"Galway." I explode. She had no intention of telling me until she had to, I can tell.
"Were you hoping I wouldn't question the boat ride?" I'm so close to shaking her when she merely shrugs at me but she drives recklessly enough as it is. I shout and moan at her until she finally pulls over and talks to me properly. When she does she's close to tears.
"I left him. I left Richard. I know he's been cheating on me, I don't need to find that out one day, and I can't go back there. I can't." I look more closely at the piles of stuff in the back and notice the suitcases hidden under the boxes of paint. "We had a fight last night. There's this gallery in Galway that wants to exhibit my work. You remember the Irish guy we met last year who I got to sit for me? Well his dad really does own a gallery, wasn't just a line. Or it was a line but a real one. Anyway they want me to come over but Richard said he wouldn't come with me and got mad when I said I'd go myself. He, he really scared me Cee. I didn't know what he was gonna do. I thought he was gonna..., that he might...so I packed my things and drove off as soon as he went for work this morning and then I saw you with Sarah and knew I had to rescue you from that cow and I guess I felt safer with you here."
The last sentence is a rushed jumble and I really have nothing to say to it. So I reach over and hold her instead. She's shaking, scared for the first time in all the years I've known her. I keep holding her until she calms down enough to drive again. And maybe it's the turpentine smell rising from behind us or the way she's smiling at me now but I tell her to drive us both to Ireland with a happy dizzy feeling in my head.
She kisses me and we set off, back on the motorway. Roaring towards the sea and freedom.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
What have we learned?
It's been a month of my second first year at Glasgow University. To celebrate and to prove that I'm getting something out of this I've decided to share with you some of the more interesting things I've learnt so far.
1. You can always improve a lecture by using the Nazis as an example.
2. Archaeology can be "the most fun you can have with your pants on."
3. The begetting section of the Bible actually has a use other than filler.
4. King John, upon seeing Hadrian's Wall, declared it was built by a race of Giants who had died out in a series of earthquakes.
5. Pippin after seeing the success of Gondor went on to usurp the throne of what would become modern day France.
6. Dublin is a Viking city. Thus Vikings with Irish accents exist. Just for you Emma!
7. It's alright to cheat on your wife as long as you cry about it a lot.
8. Homer may have been a Homera.
9. The more technology one has, the more civilised one is.
10. When the Greeks passed through Egypt they left graffiti on important monuments.
11. Never ask for help to defend your empire when nobody really trusts you in the first place. You get the crusades instead.
12. Nazis really did go around looking for archaeological evidence that they rocked during the thirties.
13. Never trust a god. They'll help you through all the things you probably didn't need much help with but when you take on 108 men by yourself they turn into a bird and fly off to laugh at you from a safe distance.
14. SUBTERFUDGE
15. The biggest threat to Odysseus in all the twenty years he spent away from home is impotence.
16. The best Pope name so far is Pope Innocent the third.
17. Being a solitary hermit is hard to do. Everyone wants to follow you thus ruining the whole point of being a hermit in the first place.
18. If you fight hard enough for a cause the Church doesn't agree with at all they just might give in. Just before you die. And it will only apply to you.
19. Never brag that your wife is the hottest ever and then force your right hand man to sneak in and see her naked.
20. The Greeks had a guide on when and where to pee.
21. Humans have the same number of hair follicles on their body as a monkey.
22. Aphrodite, the most beautiful and sexy thing to ever supposedly exist, was created from the genitials of another God.
23. Professor Robes still exist. And people wear them. And call an OHP a visualiser.
24. Glasgow Uni was originally built in the East End until the area became a bit dodgy. Subsequently it was moved to the West End because it was feared the students would fool around with the prostitutes.
25. Admitting that the pickled babies in the Hunterian Museum make you broody makes even biology students freak.
26. The QMU put 2 shots of espresso in their Mocha and that's why taking a huge gulp of it thinking it would be weak like everywhere else is not a good move. Especially when that cute guy was sitting right next to you and saw your 'woah what did I just drink?!' face.
27. This goes double when you drink the really thick bitter chocolate syrup at the bottom of the cup that you forgot to mix properly.
And finally
28. Otters are cute
1. You can always improve a lecture by using the Nazis as an example.
2. Archaeology can be "the most fun you can have with your pants on."
3. The begetting section of the Bible actually has a use other than filler.
4. King John, upon seeing Hadrian's Wall, declared it was built by a race of Giants who had died out in a series of earthquakes.
5. Pippin after seeing the success of Gondor went on to usurp the throne of what would become modern day France.
6. Dublin is a Viking city. Thus Vikings with Irish accents exist. Just for you Emma!
7. It's alright to cheat on your wife as long as you cry about it a lot.
8. Homer may have been a Homera.
9. The more technology one has, the more civilised one is.
10. When the Greeks passed through Egypt they left graffiti on important monuments.
11. Never ask for help to defend your empire when nobody really trusts you in the first place. You get the crusades instead.
12. Nazis really did go around looking for archaeological evidence that they rocked during the thirties.
13. Never trust a god. They'll help you through all the things you probably didn't need much help with but when you take on 108 men by yourself they turn into a bird and fly off to laugh at you from a safe distance.
14. SUBTERFUDGE
15. The biggest threat to Odysseus in all the twenty years he spent away from home is impotence.
16. The best Pope name so far is Pope Innocent the third.
17. Being a solitary hermit is hard to do. Everyone wants to follow you thus ruining the whole point of being a hermit in the first place.
18. If you fight hard enough for a cause the Church doesn't agree with at all they just might give in. Just before you die. And it will only apply to you.
19. Never brag that your wife is the hottest ever and then force your right hand man to sneak in and see her naked.
20. The Greeks had a guide on when and where to pee.
21. Humans have the same number of hair follicles on their body as a monkey.
22. Aphrodite, the most beautiful and sexy thing to ever supposedly exist, was created from the genitials of another God.
23. Professor Robes still exist. And people wear them. And call an OHP a visualiser.
24. Glasgow Uni was originally built in the East End until the area became a bit dodgy. Subsequently it was moved to the West End because it was feared the students would fool around with the prostitutes.
25. Admitting that the pickled babies in the Hunterian Museum make you broody makes even biology students freak.
26. The QMU put 2 shots of espresso in their Mocha and that's why taking a huge gulp of it thinking it would be weak like everywhere else is not a good move. Especially when that cute guy was sitting right next to you and saw your 'woah what did I just drink?!' face.
27. This goes double when you drink the really thick bitter chocolate syrup at the bottom of the cup that you forgot to mix properly.
And finally
28. Otters are cute
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Rawr feminist rant.
Do men honestly think asking for sex point blank works? I honestly never thought I'd have to wonder about this, but during my almost two years of being single I have had to deal with being asked if I'd sleep with someone more than I'd like. And I have no idea how to react. If I laugh it off and joke along I'm scared they'll think I'm easy. If I tell them to stop it or ignore them I get pestered more, told it was all just a laugh, no need to overreact. Did I encourage them? I am a terrible flirt, I find it so funny and fun. So then I'm confused and annoyed which leads inevitably to them claiming I'm confusing and blowing hot and cold and teasing them and God knows. Either I attract the lamest guys (and there have been a few lame ones in the bunch) or the whole world has gone to crap.
Whatever happened to romance. Is it so hard these days to find a guy that wants something slightly more meaningful than an easy fuck. I'm not naive enough to think guys don't think about sex. By now I assume that's all they want and hope to be pleasantly surprised. I'm drawn, because of this, to guys that aren't obsessed with sex. Not because I want a relationship with them but because I know I'm safe. I can relax.
I'm growing tired of 'society today'. I used to able to talk to any guy. I can still talk to guys more readily than girls simply because girls have always confused me. I can understand guys more or less just apparently not the ones who have any interest in me whatsoever. I don't want to sound like a whiny single person. You know 'waa waa I want a relationship why aren't there any good people out there'. I know why I'm single. I spent three months doing everything I could to move on to the next guy and got pretty close to a few before I pulled back, shut down and went 'nu uh' Catherine you are being sensible this time.
So here I am. Sensible. Which means the only guys that want me now are the crazies who don't talk to me for months and then get bored and go "hey there sex now plz?" and I go no and they go away for a little while. They depress me more than they should.
I don't even know if I want another relationship. It's hard work and ends in heartbreak. I'm not even sure I like who I am when I'm with someone. But I miss having someone to hold. I'm an affectionate person and I went from having a big group of girls who always needed a hug and a boyfriend to having a few friends, most of which I don't know well enough for hugging purposes and when I do with ones I know well I get accused of being gay. Pff I almost wish I were, then all my problems would be solved! But lesbians confuse me. Too many emotions.
I think what I'm getting at is everything is overly complicated so could everything stop being complicated please?
Classical quote to consider:
From the same book that gave peeing instructions. Woman here being created by Zeus: "I shall give them an affliction in which they will all delight as they embrace their own misfortune." Awesome, how do you like being an affliction all you women out there. Personally I'm loving it. I'm so bored of the woman bashing in all my classes. But then I'm the one that picked the historical subjects. Enjoy my favourite women bashing comic:
Whatever happened to romance. Is it so hard these days to find a guy that wants something slightly more meaningful than an easy fuck. I'm not naive enough to think guys don't think about sex. By now I assume that's all they want and hope to be pleasantly surprised. I'm drawn, because of this, to guys that aren't obsessed with sex. Not because I want a relationship with them but because I know I'm safe. I can relax.
I'm growing tired of 'society today'. I used to able to talk to any guy. I can still talk to guys more readily than girls simply because girls have always confused me. I can understand guys more or less just apparently not the ones who have any interest in me whatsoever. I don't want to sound like a whiny single person. You know 'waa waa I want a relationship why aren't there any good people out there'. I know why I'm single. I spent three months doing everything I could to move on to the next guy and got pretty close to a few before I pulled back, shut down and went 'nu uh' Catherine you are being sensible this time.
So here I am. Sensible. Which means the only guys that want me now are the crazies who don't talk to me for months and then get bored and go "hey there sex now plz?" and I go no and they go away for a little while. They depress me more than they should.
I don't even know if I want another relationship. It's hard work and ends in heartbreak. I'm not even sure I like who I am when I'm with someone. But I miss having someone to hold. I'm an affectionate person and I went from having a big group of girls who always needed a hug and a boyfriend to having a few friends, most of which I don't know well enough for hugging purposes and when I do with ones I know well I get accused of being gay. Pff I almost wish I were, then all my problems would be solved! But lesbians confuse me. Too many emotions.
I think what I'm getting at is everything is overly complicated so could everything stop being complicated please?
Classical quote to consider:
From the same book that gave peeing instructions. Woman here being created by Zeus: "I shall give them an affliction in which they will all delight as they embrace their own misfortune." Awesome, how do you like being an affliction all you women out there. Personally I'm loving it. I'm so bored of the woman bashing in all my classes. But then I'm the one that picked the historical subjects. Enjoy my favourite women bashing comic:
Thoughts of a dying romance
Stay with me.
Just for a little longer. I'm not ready to be alone yet. I don't want to face the world as the singular me. Let's have one more night of me and you, together. One last kiss, another embrace, hands lingering.
I know. I know you have to go, you don't have to tell me again. I know I can't stop you either. God, how I've tried.
But stay, won't you? What harm can one more night do? Forget the arguments and the tears. We had some good times didn't we? What if we started over. It could be like it was. A new beginning. What do you say?
I'm so sorry. I said I'd stop, it was just a slip. I promise it won't happen again. Forget it. But please, stay tonight. I won't bother you again, honest. It'll be alright. Just stay. Give me one last time.
I love you.
Don't ever leave me
Just for a little longer. I'm not ready to be alone yet. I don't want to face the world as the singular me. Let's have one more night of me and you, together. One last kiss, another embrace, hands lingering.
I know. I know you have to go, you don't have to tell me again. I know I can't stop you either. God, how I've tried.
But stay, won't you? What harm can one more night do? Forget the arguments and the tears. We had some good times didn't we? What if we started over. It could be like it was. A new beginning. What do you say?
I'm so sorry. I said I'd stop, it was just a slip. I promise it won't happen again. Forget it. But please, stay tonight. I won't bother you again, honest. It'll be alright. Just stay. Give me one last time.
I love you.
Don't ever leave me
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Miss Mary Ann kept her man in porcupine gloves
I wrote a short story for a project but it didn't get picked. Most likely because when I planned to do my final revision I was in bed with the flu and had to send it in as it was to meet the deadline. I was gutted but it had pushed me to write again after a long time so not all bad I guess. This is only the first part.
Marianne sat across from me cupping her mug of cold coffee with both hands, her eyes seeking solace in the murky liquid. Little lines scored her usually smooth forehead as she planned her next sentence carefully. I knew what was coming but I let her find the perfect words. Marianne was like that. She wanted something that just didn’t exist in real life. She longed for deeper kind of life where every word and action was dripping with hidden meaning, a movie kind of life and I faded into the background with every new performance.
Suddenly I didn't want to humour her anymore. I was tired of agonising silences while she wrote the script for our relationship. I wanted away from this flat that had been so quintessentially ours, Marianne’s and Jack’s. I wanted far away from this too-small kitchen in which we had disregarded all design sense and painted the walls bright red. Our friends had laughed at us and I had to admit it was garish most of the time, but there was a certain time of day when the sun would hit the blinds just right and bathe my girl in an ethereal glow; her long hair glistening in copper waves. She was magical. My gaze settled on the handprints on one of the cupboard doors. She had slipped and thrown out a red hand, ruining the new wood. My own print had been added to banish the disappointment, to make it special. Make it ours. I just wanted to get away. If I managed to avoid the theatrical speech I knew I could do it. I stood up slowly but my stool still scraped harshly along the tiles. Marianne winced slightly but did not look at me. I kissed those little thought lines and stroked her hair.
“Goodbye, Marianne.” She leaned her head against me for a moment and murmured my name. I walked away before she could say anything more.
My bag was packed and ready at the door. It had been waiting for days now for me to pick it up and carry it out of our life. I forced myself not to hesitate, not to wait for her warm arms around me giving me that final kiss that always broke my resolve and pulled me back in. I opened the door and walked away from the tears that had always held me. I heard her shout something after me but I blocked it out. The door shut behind me with a harsh finality. It was only when I was safe on my brother's couch that I allowed myself to hear her.
"But I love you!"
It was her last weapon against me, her love. It strangled me in its warm embrace and I always helped her wind it around my neck like a dutiful pet. I didn't know if by tomorrow I'd be back, tail between my legs, excuses flowing from my traitorous lips. Tonight I severed my last connection to her and hid my phone at the bottom of my bag. She would move on, come to hate me and I would handle that. And amongst all the misery and pain there was a glimmer of hope. That I'd done the right thing for once. Pulling the blanket tighter around my neck I ended the day.
Marianne sat across from me cupping her mug of cold coffee with both hands, her eyes seeking solace in the murky liquid. Little lines scored her usually smooth forehead as she planned her next sentence carefully. I knew what was coming but I let her find the perfect words. Marianne was like that. She wanted something that just didn’t exist in real life. She longed for deeper kind of life where every word and action was dripping with hidden meaning, a movie kind of life and I faded into the background with every new performance.
Suddenly I didn't want to humour her anymore. I was tired of agonising silences while she wrote the script for our relationship. I wanted away from this flat that had been so quintessentially ours, Marianne’s and Jack’s. I wanted far away from this too-small kitchen in which we had disregarded all design sense and painted the walls bright red. Our friends had laughed at us and I had to admit it was garish most of the time, but there was a certain time of day when the sun would hit the blinds just right and bathe my girl in an ethereal glow; her long hair glistening in copper waves. She was magical. My gaze settled on the handprints on one of the cupboard doors. She had slipped and thrown out a red hand, ruining the new wood. My own print had been added to banish the disappointment, to make it special. Make it ours. I just wanted to get away. If I managed to avoid the theatrical speech I knew I could do it. I stood up slowly but my stool still scraped harshly along the tiles. Marianne winced slightly but did not look at me. I kissed those little thought lines and stroked her hair.
“Goodbye, Marianne.” She leaned her head against me for a moment and murmured my name. I walked away before she could say anything more.
My bag was packed and ready at the door. It had been waiting for days now for me to pick it up and carry it out of our life. I forced myself not to hesitate, not to wait for her warm arms around me giving me that final kiss that always broke my resolve and pulled me back in. I opened the door and walked away from the tears that had always held me. I heard her shout something after me but I blocked it out. The door shut behind me with a harsh finality. It was only when I was safe on my brother's couch that I allowed myself to hear her.
"But I love you!"
It was her last weapon against me, her love. It strangled me in its warm embrace and I always helped her wind it around my neck like a dutiful pet. I didn't know if by tomorrow I'd be back, tail between my legs, excuses flowing from my traitorous lips. Tonight I severed my last connection to her and hid my phone at the bottom of my bag. She would move on, come to hate me and I would handle that. And amongst all the misery and pain there was a glimmer of hope. That I'd done the right thing for once. Pulling the blanket tighter around my neck I ended the day.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Talking to the mirror again but it's not listening.
First things first, Em makes the cutest lil drunk. She made me giggle today what with her stating of obvious facts and her loud excitement and I needed a giggle. I've been in a funk. All doom and gloom and being bitter about the world and my solitude in it.
It's been a pretty good week so far and I expected it to be a drag. I've still to face the 9am start on Friday with Mr Robe Man but that's a little while off. I've got two essays to do as well but I think I can do them. It's not as daunting as last year when it was all holy crap it's French. Helps when everything is in English and I actually understand it (although Dolichocephalic? I've got it memorised but forgot what it means).
I walked home from the bus stop tonight, still a little shaky on my feet but sober enough to face my sis, and just as I rounded the corner of my street I looked up and god the sky was pretty. I find it so humbling watching the sky. I used to lie in the road and watch clouds drift by. I was convinced that the sky looked rounder in our area, like a big blue arch keeping me safe. I don't get to lie in the road anymore. Mostly because there's a lot more traffic these days but also because my neighbours think I'm odd enough as it is. But while I trudged home I looked up again and it's still my big blue arch holding me in, keeping me grounded and reminding me that it's ok to be alone. And I can be alone under my own sky because for the first time in a long while I'm happy being me. I imagine the rum had something to do with it but I've been reflecting a lot lately. I always get all romantical around October. Something in the air that just makes me so inclined. Last year it broke me. I was at uni and I hated everything about it. I spent all my time sulking at home even though I did have a number of guys interested in me which was something I couldn't get used to, so I led them on and pushed them away and drove them off one by one. (although the weirdest of them all still occasionally talks to me every so often. And by talks I mean says "so wanna have sex now?"). The sky and the rum freed me a little tonight. I can go to sleep tonight and think "yeah, today was a good use of a day and also my hair looks pretty good."
Yes, I believe in love, yes I'm a dreamer but I'm not alone, there are more of us than you suspect, and we've got bombs, truth and beauty bombs.
It's been a pretty good week so far and I expected it to be a drag. I've still to face the 9am start on Friday with Mr Robe Man but that's a little while off. I've got two essays to do as well but I think I can do them. It's not as daunting as last year when it was all holy crap it's French. Helps when everything is in English and I actually understand it (although Dolichocephalic? I've got it memorised but forgot what it means).
I walked home from the bus stop tonight, still a little shaky on my feet but sober enough to face my sis, and just as I rounded the corner of my street I looked up and god the sky was pretty. I find it so humbling watching the sky. I used to lie in the road and watch clouds drift by. I was convinced that the sky looked rounder in our area, like a big blue arch keeping me safe. I don't get to lie in the road anymore. Mostly because there's a lot more traffic these days but also because my neighbours think I'm odd enough as it is. But while I trudged home I looked up again and it's still my big blue arch holding me in, keeping me grounded and reminding me that it's ok to be alone. And I can be alone under my own sky because for the first time in a long while I'm happy being me. I imagine the rum had something to do with it but I've been reflecting a lot lately. I always get all romantical around October. Something in the air that just makes me so inclined. Last year it broke me. I was at uni and I hated everything about it. I spent all my time sulking at home even though I did have a number of guys interested in me which was something I couldn't get used to, so I led them on and pushed them away and drove them off one by one. (although the weirdest of them all still occasionally talks to me every so often. And by talks I mean says "so wanna have sex now?"). The sky and the rum freed me a little tonight. I can go to sleep tonight and think "yeah, today was a good use of a day and also my hair looks pretty good."
Yes, I believe in love, yes I'm a dreamer but I'm not alone, there are more of us than you suspect, and we've got bombs, truth and beauty bombs.
Monday, October 15, 2007
A post which has little to do with body fluids.
I've been asked (read she hit me til I started typing) by my lil sis to correct my last post. She wanted to retitle Works and Days to "How not to set your weiner on fire" instead of whatever I said. Apparently paraphrasing is not allowed in this house.
I know there is an edit button but this was a matter of severe pain and I forgot.
End Transmission.
I know there is an edit button but this was a matter of severe pain and I forgot.
End Transmission.
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