The Boosh is loose and a little bit raw

I woke up yesterday feeling more than a little crap but it was Emma's party night and it was only 7am so I tried to stay positive. Apart from the aforementioned soul crushing first bus of the day the morning went well. Buses were on time so I was on time for Classics for once. I even managed to blag my way through the class despite neglecting to do any of the work on the Siphnian Treasury. Later for studying, man. Got dolled up and met the loveliest lady. We missed a train, the bus didn't come, we got harassed by a drooling old man and finally made it on another train. We talked girl stuff. The crazy sizing of women's clothing these days, hips, how hard it is to find boots that fit right in all areas. I told her she missed Toady from Neighbours. She got so excited. She's the only person I know that still watches the show. Then it was pizza time and Emma had a cloak and she liked my presents.

I was running on no energy even by the time we got to the union. But smile wide, flash those teeth, wiggle your girl around to songs that aren't Bowie but will do. Make it through the night because it isn't yours. Fake it til it's real and remember at least you're surrounded by people you actually like unlike all those other nights when you felt crap and had to go out. Emma swishes her way through us all, moving from person to person, introductions all round and I don't remember whose name goes with whose face. I get a chance to rest my feet and just when I relax a little there's the tap on the shoulder from the next creep who wants to freak me out. I attract them like flies. He doesn't creep me out, nothing really does anymore. I'm more surprised when a guy is nice to me and then I convince myself that there must be something wrong with them and run away. But it kills the tiny high I'd built up to carry me through the remainder of the night.

So I get out, rant at Joe, my dad manages to be omnipresent and I feel a little better. Emma's drunk and giggly and kinda gay. Lotsa kisses and "you're my favourite". Makes me smile. I love my little witch girl. By the time we leave my feet are dead. Who invented heels and why did I have to fall in love with these boots? I've got an arm to drag me and the promise of bed to encourage me. Emma's still excitable, she tells me off for made up affairs. She's fun to wind up when drunk. Taxi rejects us and my dad rages through text. I tried to crawl to bed as quietly as I can when he appears on the stair. Long interrogations before he storms downstairs to complain to the black cab people. Making his little girl come home in a gasp! private hire taxi instead.

I wake up still bleh this morning. I had a day off from everything but I couldn't face studying, couldn't write anything and didn't feel like watching the football (good thing too since we gave away a penalty in the 93rd minute). I gave up on the day around 3 (although considering I was still in the tshirt I slept in I never gave the day much of a chance) having decided that watching my hair slowly fall down from its sleeping state to its normal position in intervals of 20 mins was not a decent pastime. I retired to my cosy little room, put my fairy lights on and chose the ridiculousness of the Mighty Boosh over the brooding of a certain vampire with a soul. Things always look a little brighter with Noel and Julian <3

Whats it got in its pocketses?

I'll tell you what I've got. Anything I damn well want. I have finally found a pair of jeans with proper pockets, fit for phones, keys, spare change and a miniature flying monkey or two. No more pointless girl pockets for me thank you very much. My mother despairs. Tells me I should get a handbag like a real girl. These magical jeans not only have real pockets, they also only cost £20 and make my ass look pretty good. The inevitable down side? Alas the sizing went 8 regular to 14 regular so I had to hunt in the tall section and tall is something I am not. Gone are the days I could happily fit into a size 8 with no problems. I think that lasted about 6 months before my hips came back. Then there was the dreary period where the only jeans available were either skinny or mens. I could starve myself to death and never fit into skinny jeans (but hurrah for being able to bear children, right?) and mens jeans are fine if you want to look like you have a penis. Thus I have a great pair of jeans with several inches of extra leg.

Saw Emma and Beowulf yesterday. I've missed her like crazy but we made up for lost time with pretend lesbian shenanigans on tuesday. Always fun. Beowulf was pretty good. I thought it might be all ridiculous but it was entertaining, and when the animation was at its best you could almost believe Angelina Jolie really was naked on screen.

Also despite my whole post about Scottish football and not hating the English I'm saying this anyway: Har har England lost. Was actually a pretty good game to watch. Croatia were very good and Peter Crouch is always hilarious to see. He's more leg than man!

When Ian Wright was talking about it about the game was over and he was all "I'm bitterly disappointed" My dad chucked rather evilly and said: "That's what makes England losing all the better for me." I think it was the only reason the game was on in our house. Oh dad, you so crazy with your personal vendettas against former football players!

Jane said she'd read them and that's enough for me

So I created the blog. So far I've only posted my lesbian story so if you haven't read it and want to or if you've already read it and want to give me a big hello! comment it can be viewed Here

I've got two more written that need to be redrafted first so expect updates either late tonight or tomorrow.

Now for the actual blogging.

I took Emma to the Wicca shop yesterday. She was looking all glum and rawr people suck but you can't be unhappy in the wicca shop! It has too many pretty things even though I'm not sure what many of them do. I'm not one to write off something I don't get though, not when Irish wishing stones work and people say the exact same things to me as they did in my dreams. Seriously guys, GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

Then we went and saw Elizabeth which was very pretty and Clive Owen was very gorgeous even with the crazy beard thing he had going for him. While I was waiting for Emma to get back from the toilet this old woman sat next to me and asked what we were seeing and oh how nice she was also seeing Elizabeth. Because she fancies Clive Owen and she didn't think Brad Pitt would have her. Back off old lady Clive Owen is mine. I've loved him ever since he screamed at Julia Roberts and told her he was a fucking caveman. King Arthur was pretty in all it's Clivey and Keiray goodness but that's a film I can only watch while hyped up on sugar. Yeah man let's beat those bastard romans and have instant orgasms in tents and make Lancelot sad!! Rawr.

Elizabeth was pretty though and there were, admittedly pretty gay, moments between the two Elizabeths that were really nice. I could have watched a lot more Samantha Morton even with her 'hurr I'm Mary Queen of Scots. Hear my Scottish accent? Say what? I spent most of my life in France and spoke with a French accent? Shuddap I just spent ages learning how to speak like this and I don't know how to stop!" She was very good at her execution scene. I'm too lazy to describe it and Emma already has so read hers.


I'm working on getting people to come see Planet Terror with me. So far I have Emma saying "no, no, no, no, maybe if there were tons of other people there, no, no, no, Catherine stop doing drunken zombie impressions!, no, no, no." I think it looks promising. If you're a person and would like to gain my unconditional love you're very welcome to take me to the cinema.

Singing hallelujah with the fear in your heart.

Okay guys, lets review my past week!


First off I saw Stardust at the weekend (not the weekend that just happened but the weekend before) with lil sis. In general I liked it. I love Claire Danes, she's got an honesty about her that's endearing and Charlie Cox was cute. It was a bit Princess Bride-ish and I could have done without the overly epic trumpet score that kept cropping up at IMPORTANT moments. It was jarring. There was nothing epic about the story, we all know Tristan loves Yvaine, we know they're gonna get together and she's not going to die. It didn't need EPIC fantasy music. I was also a little disappointed in the ending. I'm not one of those people who get all pedantic about these things but the book ending was so sad but lovely and the film was a bit meh. I actually have the film tie-in book so I knew the ending was different but I musta forgot while I was in the cinema. I was just like 'wait, what? everyone lives happily ever after forever?' and sis got annoyed at me for ruining the moment or something.

Nothing much happened until Tuesday when I went to the other uni and paid £2 to watch Rangers and Barcelona do not a lot and pretend to ignore Emma singing in my face. She was adorably mad.

Then it was Lisbon time with Dad and Padington Bear! Lisbon is pretty. Lots of big fountains and statues of people like Vasco da Gama and King Jose. We didn't do much apart from eat and listen to Padington tell us Joe Strummer's life story and how the Clash formed all of his political views or something. I just kept thinking of Mark Ruffalo in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind when he gets high and rambles about how amazing The Clash were. I didn't tell him this. The stadium looks like a rollercoaster was stuck on top but Benfica have an eagle! At the start of each game this guy comes out and summons an eagle to swoop down over the crowd. Fricken awesome. We lost the game of course but you guys don't care about that. One last thing about the game I will say is that I had a surreal experience in the toilets. I could hear guys singing Celtic songs all around me while I peed because of the acoustics. Very weird. I got to see the national stadium where Celtic won the European Cup in '67. Dad was all in awe and the other guys with us crossed themselves with grass water.

Came back from Lisbon and saw Arcade Fire.

Emma and me were dying of the cold and she's never really listened to them but she boogied with me anyway. The crowd were all old and boring though. I mean the music isn't exactly rocking out loud but there could have been a bit more than serious arm pointing and swaying. We bounced and head banged as much as we could with coughing fits in between times because that's how hardcore we are. It was a good gig what with the organ and the guitarist running like a cartoon man on fire up and down the stage. No freebies though. Paid for a tee though, pretty nice.

Lil sis won £1000 by entering an article to the Scotland on Sunday. That's more money than she's knows what to do with! Ridiculously proud of her and have I mentioned how wonderful my sis is lately? Cause she is. Wii plz.

And lastly I got my pumpkins today. One little one and two tiny ones. Pics will follow once they're all cut and candled. Wish I could do more on Halloween but football. Yes, yes, I'm a man.

Talking to the mirror again but it's not listening.

First things first, Em makes the cutest lil drunk. She made me giggle today what with her stating of obvious facts and her loud excitement and I needed a giggle. I've been in a funk. All doom and gloom and being bitter about the world and my solitude in it.

It's been a pretty good week so far and I expected it to be a drag. I've still to face the 9am start on Friday with Mr Robe Man but that's a little while off. I've got two essays to do as well but I think I can do them. It's not as daunting as last year when it was all holy crap it's French. Helps when everything is in English and I actually understand it (although Dolichocephalic? I've got it memorised but forgot what it means).

I walked home from the bus stop tonight, still a little shaky on my feet but sober enough to face my sis, and just as I rounded the corner of my street I looked up and god the sky was pretty. I find it so humbling watching the sky. I used to lie in the road and watch clouds drift by. I was convinced that the sky looked rounder in our area, like a big blue arch keeping me safe. I don't get to lie in the road anymore. Mostly because there's a lot more traffic these days but also because my neighbours think I'm odd enough as it is. But while I trudged home I looked up again and it's still my big blue arch holding me in, keeping me grounded and reminding me that it's ok to be alone. And I can be alone under my own sky because for the first time in a long while I'm happy being me. I imagine the rum had something to do with it but I've been reflecting a lot lately. I always get all romantical around October. Something in the air that just makes me so inclined. Last year it broke me. I was at uni and I hated everything about it. I spent all my time sulking at home even though I did have a number of guys interested in me which was something I couldn't get used to, so I led them on and pushed them away and drove them off one by one. (although the weirdest of them all still occasionally talks to me every so often. And by talks I mean says "so wanna have sex now?"). The sky and the rum freed me a little tonight. I can go to sleep tonight and think "yeah, today was a good use of a day and also my hair looks pretty good."


Yes, I believe in love, yes I'm a dreamer but I'm not alone, there are more of us than you suspect, and we've got bombs, truth and beauty bombs.