O, swear not by th' inconstant moon lest that thy love prove likewise variable

I woke up feeling a little dizzy and I realised that, other than junk, I haven't eaten a decent meal in longer than I care to remember. So not wanting to waste away (pfft) I made myself some toast and went on the hunt for honey. It wasn't until a big glob had slided out of the tub onto my unsuspecting bread that I found out the honey was hard. So I topped the mess off with some marmalade I found in the back of the fridge (no doubt hidden there so my dad wouldn't find it and sulk because it's too sugary for him) and shoved the lot in my mouth and hoped for the best. I would not recommend this. It's like I ate citric bees.

I was going to do the obligatory it's nearly Christmas, bleeehh post but really I haven't felt much this year. The only thrill I got was this morning when I picked up the post and there was the card from Igor, my dad's Russian friend. His card always comes in a wintry envelope all covered in Cyrillic letters and his ridiculously neat English print. I want to open it up and see the predictable St Petersburg scene covered in snow and remember when he told us that some years the river freezes over and everybody skates across to the other side instead of bothering with the bridge. But it's not addressed to me and Dad's still in London so I must wait.

I was talking to Emma yesterday about the proximity of the holiday season and when I indicated that I probably wouldn't do anything for my birthday she pouted and told me she wanted a Miss Kitty New Year. Then she made a weird birthday noise much like her 'there is someone behind me' noise. So maybe I will do something. Even if it is just having a couple of people round and getting quite drunk. I'll have to see who's around.

A guy I know keeps trying to win me over with overblown romantic promises of gestures which thankfully he'll never actually perform. Men make me laugh. The way they think they're being original and while ok I've never claimed to be experienced; I haven't had many relationships and the ones I've had have been ridiculously bad; I feel like I've heard it all before. I want something real, honest and quite possibly incredibly casual. I don't want to fall in love. I'm tired of lovesick boys going through the motions. If I say this and this maybe she'll let me do this. So for your amusement and my own I'm gonna share with you some of my favourites.

I love you more than pizza.
I love you more than cookie dough ice cream.
I love you more than Star Wars (but not Yoda).
I love you more than vodka shots.
I don't love you more than my cat but you're a close second.