I'm so bored of cowards

He refuses to walk you home, says it's too late, too dark and too dangerous. He suggests waking up his mother but she already hates you for what you're doing to her precious little boy and you shake your head. He walks you through the carpark and boys on wheels whirl around you making comments and blaming you for keeping their friend away. He gives you what he imagines is a lingering, romantic kiss and shuffles off wringing a promise of a text once you get home safe. Spin on your heel once he's out of view. He didn't even look back. You're alone now. Step into the night.

Your outfit was barely appropriate during the day. Under the streetlights you feel exposed. Your heart pounds as you pass each waiting car. Your limbs shake in the oversized coat that offers little protection against the cold and leering eyes. When you threw on your clothes you didn't get it quite right. You feel thoroughly rummaged and you don't want to use the word violated but it sits there mocking you anyway. Once you pass the train station and the last point of real danger, you relax and pull your ipod out of your pocket. Play anything to fight the darkness but turn it up until it hurts.

I want to go on a mountain-top
With a radio and good batteries
And play a joyous tune and
Free the human race
From suffering

Your lips still hold the traces of your lipstick. The sticker called it Red Passion. The French alongside seemed even tackier: Passion Rouge. Like a clichéd whore. You pull your hair out of their bunches, so tired of being cute and you stalk across the last road. It doesn't scare me at all. Someone moves by the church where the lights don't work but don't you look. You're safe if you don't look. One more corner baby and now you're under that patch of sky you know so well. The only patch of sky where you feel like the world is round and you mean something on it. I'm no fucking buddhist but this is enlightenment

You feel like singing, like dancing or shouting. You feel free for just a moment with the stars in your hair and the night curling around your legs. Hang back just a moment sweetheart, enjoy the silence. In ten minutes your parents will go mental, you know without looking that you're an hour late. By tomorrow morning he will be furious too, remember to turn that phone off tonight. Enjoy the silence, it's all I can give you.

It doesn't scare me at all