Monday, February 25, 2008

Combat baby

We, daughters of educated men, are between the devil and the deep blue sea. Behind us lies the patriarchal system; the private house, with its nullity, its immortality, its hypocrisy, its servility. Before us lies the public world, the professional system, with its possessiveness, its jealousy, its pugnacity, its greed. The one shuts us up like slaves in a harem; the other forces us to circle like caterpillars head to tail, round and round the mulberry tree, the sacred tree of property. It is a choice of evils. Each is bad. Had we better not plunge off the bridge into the river; give up the game; declare that the whole of human life is a mistake and so end it?

And 3 years later Virginia filled her pockets with rocks and walked into the river.

There's no way out, the only way out is to give in.

I prefer reading the literature of the dead. I read arrogant men and suicidal women. I love them more than I could love you.

I want to be wrong but
No one here wants to fight me like you do

I'm little red riding hood, gotta fight the big bad wolf. I've seen through his disguise. There's two pistols in my basket, I'm gonna shoot his big nose off. I don't need no woodsman to rescue me. Some romantic addition to tradition. His value declined when he offered his name. Round of metal between the eyes and the forest is mine.

Happily ever after ends with the ring on my finger. Commitment lasts too long. Your arm is heavy on my shoulders, holding me down. Lips on my mouth steal my words. You tell me how to dress, how to wear my hair, who I should see, what I should like. My body slumps in your bed. I'm your toy; I won't say no. Have your cake and eat her too. You don't know me. Ain't that funny. You don't know me at all. I curl in the corner with the knife in my hand. I've got to cut you out of my flesh. Spit on the floor, I want rid of your taste. Too dark for you? Come back, you can't leave me. I'm waiting for my moment. Blame it all on me. It's ok baby, I understand. It can all be my fault. I should have loved you more. But stay a little longer, until I work this out. I'm nearly there. Almost perfected this art of the living dead. Don't you dare ruin it.

We all got our problems. By the time I'm through I will make you cry. I'll make you question everything you believed in. Silly little boy, you just want everybody to love you. Stupid girl, one day you will learn that none of this actually matters. It isn't real, it's a game we lost before it began. Prey off those who play to win, they'll carry you far. Look for the cheaters, they're the way, the truth and the light. You're a fake, a fraud, a phony if you want to get all Caulfield about it. We'll get drunk, get high. Turn it up louder, hit me again. Let go, sweetheart. Stop pretending. Let's have a night of something real.

And then I'll make it easy for you to leave me.

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