Promiscuous makes an entrance, her mouth is full of questions

Bear with me, I'm going philosophical.

tl;dr version: gender is a funny thing, not to mention love, friendships, relationships and all those ships

In 5th year at school I took Religious, Moral and Philosophical Studies (or Rumpus) which consisted of eating Fair Trade Chocolate and learning passages of the Bible. It also involved getting into heated debates with the one guy who was not gay taking the course as he tried to argue that girls just didn't like football. That we were only talking about it because it there had been a big game on that weekend and did any of us by any chance catch the Dunfermline game the other night? I soon shot him down. He also tried to claim that no girls actually cared about what magazines said. Silly boy, he was one of those guys who think that these days there is no real problem of equality and thus feminism is no longer relevant. I wrote so many essays on gender in the media, I sometimes spout the same arguments in other subjects. I did my French exam on the media and I found myself running through my points in History only to have my tutor (whose speciality is gender and has written several books on it) finishing off my last one, using the same terms, same ideas and I felt so bored. There were no debates in this class. I haven't had a good debate since Archaeology when I pretended to believe aliens might have made the pyramids and greatly upset Deceptively Old Girl's scientific sensibilities. I don't think people expect an argument out of me. Either I'm too quiet otherwise (which I am doing my best not to be) or I have a look of agreeability but I always get the strangest looks when I start to talk. Yes, I was talking Genesis but it was in the background reading and yes I did snort rather loudly when one guy tried to say that marriage today was an equal symbiotic relationship but I wasn't saying anything shocking. There isn't much else to say once you've covered basic gender roles and been annoyed that everyone moved on before you could point out that people today still think women need and want a man to protect and provide for them. I have never wanted another father but then I've never wanted a husband. There is no desire in me for a man to fight my battles and protect my honour. The closest I've ever felt was a longing for that safe feeling when you're curled up next to someone who loves you. I laughed in the face of a friend of mine who suggested I needed a protector but he's dreadfully conservative in his philosophies.

I am looking forward to the next tutorial. I'm looking at the feminisation of men and the victory of women in the 20th century. It's familiar territory. Suffragettes, the wars, women fighting for something half of my friends couldn't be arsed doing. I voted and I stayed in university even though I was completely overwhelmed with everything else because I'd be damned if I threw it all away. There's a huge desire in me to be strong and independent even though I'm pretty hopeless and the one time I became weak was when I lost control and let other people determine what I was supposed to be.

Saying all that, I have a hideous level of contempt for a great many girls and though nobody could fault me for thinking so I have never adhered to the "I hate men" stance. All men are bastards, but most are no more a bastard than I am. I can figure most guys, they confuse me at times but generally that confusion stems from my own projected insecurities. Girls I get, being one and suffering so many of them. What I will never get is the way they fail to communicate with each other. How they can't see when they shouldn't push it or when they should say something. I find myself flinching when I watch her say too much and shake my head when he takes it the wrong way. We interpret things differently, I guess. Not that I'm claiming I'm some sort of insightful wonder woman. I get it wrong quite frequently but by now I can see where I got it wrong. It's the benefit of being quiet. I spent too long sitting in the corner and watching. Most of you won't have noticed me and never will. I spent too much energy trying to fix things and gave up on most people. I've watched groups split and divide, occasionally over my own presence, and no amount of negotiating had pulled them together. I cared back when who had fallen out with who was playground news. I grew weary of juggling my social plans. I've got juggling to do now. Got to keep straight who likes who, smile sympathetically at each new take on the argument. Only these days instead of one big group I had three with very slight overlapping between them. And in the past 2 weeks I've had to listen as two of them splintered away and they look to me to take sides when I'm still not sure of the argument.

But one thing hasn't changed since Rousseau praised the guile of women; I am very good at lying.