Le roi des sorties

Sometimes I think about making films since half the time I think in film anyway. Scenes play out, fade in wash out, music swells, linger the camera on this, then cut to him, wait for her and my fingers have to keep up with the words to explain just what kind of sigh that is. I think about making films a lot. I actually (and this is something I don't often share) but I very nearly picked Film and TV studies at uni which would have enabled me to make my films. I thought about it seriously because I'd looked it up for my boyfriend who wanted to do it and vaguely asked for help in looking it up. I applied to that course for him and I did not apply myself because I didn't want to study beside him even if we had been together. I don't study next to people I am in love with because I study for myself. It's why I end up talking to people in other subjects, faculties and universities as it turned out. He applied to English as well on a whim with Philosophy because he thought he'd be good at that thinking shit which caused me to turn to French if I'm perfectly honest. Couldn't follow me there could you, with your scraping credit pass in standard grade! Ha!

Anyway I dream of making films but the reason I don't do anything about it, and I know enough people that if I wanted to I could do something it, is the sheer number of other people involved. If I write something it can be mine if I don't show anybody. OnceI let somebody else read it I give it away a little but it's still mine. Unless I became a one-girl cast and crew I couldn't make a film in the same way and I cannot act for one thing. Much like I prefer male writers I prefer male directors too. There's something so seductive about film and all those directors that fell in love with their leading ladies and made film after film with them in it I dunno it gets under my skin. In a good way. It's romance captured on camera that you can't achieve in any other way.

Jesus these are the best strawberries ever.