No Brainer

I saw Planet Terror last night! Everything was on fire! Giant plot holes were everywhere and also on fire! I wanna have Robert Rodriguez's babies! Except not so much, his kids names are hilarious like Rebel and Rocket. When your husband picks names like these for your children you know you have made a mistake. Anyway back to the fire. It was so much better than Death Proof, which was good but not as fun bar the last 10 minutes, and yet no publicity. When I tried to find it on the Cineworld website it kept telling me it didn't even exist until I managed to find it hidden away. But it doesn't matter anymore because I've seen it and thus Joe wins the previously mentioned unconditional love for arranging the viewing. I figure this balances out the fact that I kept hitting him last night. Sorry Joe! It was the excitement of fire and hot girls with gun legs that made me do it!

In other news I am now slighter less poor! The SRC just called me to tell me 11 of my 13 books have been sold and I can pick up the pennies anytime. Woo and hoo people.

I had jalapeños last night in a sub. I've not had them in ages and they were so good. Problem is since they were so hot and outside was so cold and my lips were all tingly somehow this all combined and I can feel the scar inside my lip again. I got kicked in the face by a drunk man at a concert when I was fifteen and the cut on my lip didn't heal properly for ages. I can usually only feel it with my tongue if I try real hard but sometimes, like now, it's pretty much all I can feel. Pretty damn distracting.

I'm just procrastinating. I should be writing my archaeology essay on the Govan Old Church but it's so hard to care and I have too many ideas for better things to write. But sadly I can't spent all my days writing whatever I fancy.

Jane said she'd read them and that's enough for me

So I created the blog. So far I've only posted my lesbian story so if you haven't read it and want to or if you've already read it and want to give me a big hello! comment it can be viewed Here

I've got two more written that need to be redrafted first so expect updates either late tonight or tomorrow.

Now for the actual blogging.

I took Emma to the Wicca shop yesterday. She was looking all glum and rawr people suck but you can't be unhappy in the wicca shop! It has too many pretty things even though I'm not sure what many of them do. I'm not one to write off something I don't get though, not when Irish wishing stones work and people say the exact same things to me as they did in my dreams. Seriously guys, GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

Then we went and saw Elizabeth which was very pretty and Clive Owen was very gorgeous even with the crazy beard thing he had going for him. While I was waiting for Emma to get back from the toilet this old woman sat next to me and asked what we were seeing and oh how nice she was also seeing Elizabeth. Because she fancies Clive Owen and she didn't think Brad Pitt would have her. Back off old lady Clive Owen is mine. I've loved him ever since he screamed at Julia Roberts and told her he was a fucking caveman. King Arthur was pretty in all it's Clivey and Keiray goodness but that's a film I can only watch while hyped up on sugar. Yeah man let's beat those bastard romans and have instant orgasms in tents and make Lancelot sad!! Rawr.

Elizabeth was pretty though and there were, admittedly pretty gay, moments between the two Elizabeths that were really nice. I could have watched a lot more Samantha Morton even with her 'hurr I'm Mary Queen of Scots. Hear my Scottish accent? Say what? I spent most of my life in France and spoke with a French accent? Shuddap I just spent ages learning how to speak like this and I don't know how to stop!" She was very good at her execution scene. I'm too lazy to describe it and Emma already has so read hers.


I'm working on getting people to come see Planet Terror with me. So far I have Emma saying "no, no, no, no, maybe if there were tons of other people there, no, no, no, Catherine stop doing drunken zombie impressions!, no, no, no." I think it looks promising. If you're a person and would like to gain my unconditional love you're very welcome to take me to the cinema.

The dashboard melted but we still have the radio

I'm dying. I've not gone two minutes without coughing for three hours now. Instead of my planned Halloween evening which went along the lines of curl up in blanket, experiment with eye liner and draw things on my face, drink hot chocolate and watch Death Note (which means I'm totally in there for a wii. SmokeyJoe I owe you some sort of beverage), I went to the football. We not only lost ridiculously but my ass has frozen off and now sitting down is difficult. I'm coughing like some sort of yappy dog. Mmmhmm attractive.

Some musings before I leave for my early grave.

There's a guy who's in all of my classes and I'm not sure if I mentioned him here before, let's call him Mouseface. Mouseface is tall, lanky with brown hair wears glasses, those clear braces and I keep forgetting what his name is but I do know it. He has spoken maybe a dozen words to me, all at the one time and never acknowledged me since. He's a first year and may be the same guy I saw at the induction thing who I saw was born in 1990 which freaked me out. Granted I only lived in the eighties for a year and a day but it's like having my lil sis at uni purely because she was born in the early nineties. Anyway, my point is he's in all of my classes and everytime we've had archaeology bar the couple of times I've been late in, he's sat next to me. Not right next to me like I'd sit next to someone I liked so as to have a little accidental brushing of legs during lectures, but a seat along from me. I didn't think anything about it until I noticed he was doing it every single time. He sat next to me properly for the first time today in my history class, but ignored me and talked to his mate the whole time. I see him everywhere and I can't be bothered with him. He's a cardboard cut-out of so many guys I've had to drive away because they've bored me to tears. I'm too lazy to do that again. I attract a strange mix of guys, sadly none of them are ever normal or available.

So Mouseface. He's in my classics class too, but I've managed to avoid him for the most part, mostly because I've been trying to get a chance to speak to the Classics guy. I had a perfect opportunity the other day but then I remembered I had a tutorial on the other side of the campus. Although now I know he smokes it's iffy. I have an unhealthy fascination with smoking, not as unhealthy as actually being a smoker but I imagine it's heading that way. The smell of cigarettes is just so comforting and for a couple of years every single dream I have involves me smoking. My dad got annoyed at me for freakin dream smoking, God knows what he'd do if I started for real. Fact is, with some people it's just outright sexy and I love the whole talking with a cigarette in your mouth that Dylan Moran does brilliantly. Although, I might just be thinking of him because he is brilliant in general and I haven't watched Black Books in a while. So yeah, iffy. If I went out with a smoker I'd end up either smoking myself or doing the proper girlfriend doesn't want you to die rigmarole which I hate. It's like mothering. I mothered my last boyfriend until I was sick of myself simply because he was so fucking lazy, it pissed me off.

I fell up the stairs on the bus today. Don't know how I managed it but I've skint my knee. Now it hurts to wear jeans (which is kinda sucky seeing as I only have jeans or a skirt and I don't want more colds) and to kneel, walking at any pace other than slow stings as well. It's annoying but then I think back when I skint my knee everyday practically as a kid. I was very clumsy, still am apparently what with not being able to climb stairs. But it was like a big deal, major pain. Little did I know how sore a broken heart would be. Angst angst wah wah. I worked out why I've been so crazy with my rawr hate men no wait mewants many. This week is the anniversary of the shortest time I've ever been single. How ever long ago it is now I manged to move from one realtionship to another within a couple of days. I came the closest I've ever been to cheating, but then I'm more of the idea that if you're with someone and you're attracted to someone else it's either a crush you don't act upon or it's time to move on to the next one. It's not that hard people and I betcha life would go more simple that way. But our TVs would have no Jeremy Kyle. That show's so hilariously judgemental.

My last musing is a memory that hit me the other day when I bumped into a girl I used to know. I used to be friends with this girl and she was a year older than me, always liked to remind me of that. Anyway she was smugly telling me that she'd kissed a boy in the cinema. I was disgusted, I was 10 at the time and boys were icky, and she just snorted at me:

"Cat, if you're so grossed out by the thought of a boy sticking his tongue in your mouth what will you do when he sticks his penis in you?"

Bear in mind reader that I did not know that this was how sex happened. I was bitterly upset. I didn't want anything stuck anywhere, thank you very much and decided she had got it all wrong.

I tell a lie this is my last musing. I just watched the Planet Terror trailer. It looks terrible. But in a good way. Gun leg! Zombies! Bruce Willis turning into some sort of weird ugly thing for some reason! I have to see this film. Sadly my usual film seeing people don't want to see it for various reasons (thinking it's crap, zombies apparently being scary). But I will see this film, even if it means going myself. Or better yet bribing others to come with with promises of free drink!



PS Julie is great. Catherine's day was not that interesting but mine was. Do not read this post.

Death Proof

I saw it last night! Freakin awesome. It was all ridiculous and silly and so conscious of itself. I giggled and I worried for people's welfare and I definitely had one or two 'Fuck Yeah' female empowerment moments. I will say no more other than go see and go see now! And I wish wish wish I could have seen it as the two part grindhouse experience it was meant to be. Zombies and fake trailers (such as the previously linked Don't) would have completed my evening. As it was, I did enjoy Death Proof in its own right but mostly because I knew what it was trying to be and I had been anticipating it for yonks.


First day of uni and it was quite good. My history teacher offered up many definitions of Medieval including "I'm gonna get Medieval on your ass". I suspect he may be a little gay as he spent a lot of time talking about the 'manly, cool, modern Heath Ledger' and the 'fun-kay groovy beats of Bowie' with a sort of dreamy look in his eyes.

I also had to wait like 20 whole minutes for my bagel. The guy was new which could explain it but gawd it was like he was trying to live life ten times slower than everyone else in the world. I was so hungry I nearly jumped over the counter and made it myself. Still tasty though when I finally got to eat it. Love Uni Bagels. <3

I'm so tired, like blarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh tired but I have one class tomorrow at ten and then nothing. Funny thing, turns out one of my Italian buddies from last year is taking Classics too and she introduced me to her friend, who lives up the road from me and when to the other high school in our area. Crazy stuff. Meant I didn't have to explain where I lived for a change.

I made my cookies and I gots pics of the resulting goo but I canna be arsed uploading them tonight so mehr laters.

I wanna dance, I wanna win. I want that trophy, so dance good.

The first time I ever saw Pulp Fiction I was about 15, maybe a bit younger and a friend of mine decided we should watch it at her sleepover. At 2 in the morning. I had to deal with the most annoying girl there clinging to my arm, shouting "Oh god the sound the needle makes when it pops her chest is like the worst ever. Can we just skip this part I hate it it's so awful." Of course it wasn't really anything at all and I missed a good portion of the scene having my arm reshaped. Then when it was decided the gay rape scene could be fastforwarded since we were so young and easily grossed out, the same girl insisted we go back and watch it properly. And insisted and insisted. In the end, I was the only one who was still awake when it finished and I had no clue what had happened during any of it at all.

Since then it's always been a 'film I should really see but haven't got round to yet'. There are a lot of them. Problem being that it's hard enough to find the time to watch it when my little sister isn't likely to pop her head round the door and I'd end up getting yelled at for letting her witness violence. The time she popped in during an awkward and unexpectedly detailed gay sex scene was bad enough. (Darn you mexican films that show you damn well everything. I understood what was happening without seeing it!) I finally find a good time to do so and I cannot for the life of me find the dvd. A couple of weeks later, turns out we never had it on dvd, only vhs. Pfft to the vhs I said! So when I finally scraped my wages together, I went and bought it (with a new copy of Fargo for my dad since it broke on me and it's like his favourite film ever, boy did that ever suck) and watched it and yay.

This ends the pulp fiction story.

Which leads me nicely onto Quentin Tarantino's latest film adventure and a rant on how come there's no freakin' release date for Planet Terror. Europe got both ages ago if my translation of CineMania! was in any way accurate. It's bad enough we can't see them both together but to have no release date at all for Robert Rodriguez's film is just too much. I seriously love his films and y'know GUN LEG.



Also this


So this ain't just a rant about films I've seen and wish to see let me tell you about my children's book I haven't written but want to. Some of you may have heard of the Pigeon Detectives, some of you may even like their music. I wouldn't know having never heard them so I won't pass judgement. However, I think they are wasting a great opportunity with their name. One miserable Glaswegian afternoon I was on the bus coming home when we passed by ABC. Playing that night were the aforementioned Pigeon Detectives. Having laughed heartily and disturbed the sleeping drunken man behind me, I promptly got out my phone and informed my lovely uni friend of the great name. Mostly so I wouldn't seem like a mad girl laughing to herself with no friends. She laughed with me, electronically but it was something.

Now it wasn't until I decided to tell my other good friend of the small and Emma sort about it that the idea of an actual detective pigeon appeared in my mind. I know, I know, pretty slow I am but hush up. A few dull French lectures later and I had the basic outline of a plot. I've sadly lost all my french notes which I expect was due to too much excitement over passing and never having to study the lingua franca again and throw it out with the subjunctive tense. Alas, I must start over.

Some investigation into the band found that their album has pictures of deer on it. Stupid boys! Think of the crazy sherlock style adventures you could have illustrated! Basil's got nothing on the PI: pigeon investigator!