Playing the fools

It's cosy, sitting in a room full of old friends and strangers when it's dark and getting late but not so late that you have to start thinking about leaving. Very, very cheap wine brings my eyelids down and I'm firmly stuck on the floor against the couch with legs and arms and a head on my lap and it's cosy. I could fall apart right here and a dozen hands would hold on to me. I've missed being here. I'm not exactly myself but I'm not so far away.

In the middle of the night a boy who likes to text me when he's drunk (and I thought was abroad right now) sends the message "whos dis". I'm going with drunken mistake/amnesia/girlfriend found a name she doesn't know and ignored him. It's always easier to pretend it's not happening.

There's a Czech film showing at the gft at the end of August I want to see called a blonde in love. I didn't really realise how gutted I was that I can't do the one subject that appealed to me until I found that film. I'm almost as disappointed as when I found out the French class the year after us got to study Godard. They got to study Godard instead of the film Buffet Froid which I doubt many of you will have seen, not because ooh look at me I know french films or anything but because it was the most pointlessly dull rubbish. Surrealism is fantastic in art but it's tougher with film. It's either hilariously ridiculous or makes no sense in a terribly pretentious way. It's even harder when you're in another language. I think I just miss learning another language. I can't speak any with confidence but I like working them out, following the rules and constructing sentences. I don't know what languages on offer are really an option though. Blehh.

I found a bunch of free sewing patterns online. I'm declaring August make some more dresses month. It justifies buying the material from ikea a while back. I'm not great at doing things from scratch but we'll see how it goes. Also I watched Lolita, the Kubrick one. It was ok, I seem to be saying that about every Kubrick film I see but maybe I just haven't seen the best ones.